Hail To The Chief
by Cha Oseye Tempest Thrain
Summary: Diefenbaker's POV of events... what events precisely, even I am not sure. Then again... could anyone ever be?
1. dealing with idiots

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, this is for entertainment purposes only.

Author's note: It's been a while since I've been able to catch an episode (DVD... please, please, please... I would _so_ definitely buy this on DVD)... but I think I remember it... and if you take it seriously... you were definitely watching the wrong show.

Author's note 2 : Why Dief? Why not?

**Hail To The Chief**

**Chapter 1: dealing with idiots**

At times I wonder what goes through his head… or if anything does, or if he simply shuts his brain down while he's 'on-duty.' I wonder if he loves this place… or hates this place and is simply too polite to say so. And I wonder what his problem is with tortilla chips?

I, for one, find this place rather interesting. There are so many different smells… and the advantage to a city is that humans actually mark their territory in ways that make sense… okay, so it's usually the humans on the brink of disaster who do so – and I don't mean just fear… but living feral. The ones who ingest things that make them sick – no _not_ tortilla chips – but other things… worse things – and scrounge through the leftovers of other human lives… I sometimes wonder how humans survive as a species at all. They're self-destructive… irrational… wasteful… and have a horrible sense of smell. Even _him_, as good as he is… still can't smell a hundredth of the things I can…

Him? Oh, he's Benton Fraser in human speak… or as I think of him 'the clumsy idiot who needs constant taking care of because he hasn't got the brains God gave a rabbit.' But Benton Fraser – or simply Fraser – is quicker.

Not that I speak human… but I've learned to read lips. It helps, when you're deaf, and your pack-mate is an idiot. Like now…

"Diefenbaker… have you been scrounging for junk food again?" With his duty shift ended, he emerges from his regulation trance and looks down at me.

_Who, me?_ I look up at him innocently, even adding the cute little cock of the head. Like I said, lip-reading helps because you can know what your pack mate is saying and use it to drive him nuts.

"Yes, you. Haven't I told you a million times that that stuff is bad for you…"

I catch the scent of a familiar cologne, and sense that relief is coming fast on it's feet. I turn to look, and Fraser follows my gaze.

"Fraser. I need your help."

"Sure, Ray. What's the problem?" Remember what I said about him being an idiot? Ray is an acquaintance, not a full-fledged member of the pack. However… Stupid here seems to think that _anyone_ who asks for help deserves to get it. This usually ends up with him – or Ray, or sometimes him _and_ Ray – ending up in trouble, and me having to go rescue them. This time, Ray rescues me – from a long and boring lecture about the hazards of junk food… especially junk food found on the street.

"It's my sister…"

"Uh… Ray…" See? Trouble. Ray's sister wants to mate with Fraser… a role Fraser has no desire to play. I mean, that lady's pheromones go into over-drive when she's within two-hundred paces of Fraser. _I_ don't want her in the pack, either. She's got no useful skills… not that Fraser's much better – but he is a bit. Besides, he's my pack-mate… and idiotic as he is I still owe him some loyalty.

"She… she's disappeared."

_So what?_ Good riddance to bad rubbish, if you ask me. Of course… they don't ask me. _You're a cop… find her yourself._ Isn't that what they're supposed to do?

"Why didn't you say so? Have you filed a report?" Fraser immediately begins walking down the street towards where Ray has parked his car… and true to _my_ duty… I follow.

"I can't file a report until she's gone for forty-eight hours." I can understand Ray's concern… his sister _is_ his pack mate after all… and humans _can_ be loyal, too. "Don't you have rules up in Canada?"

"Of course, we have rules, Ray." Fraser bumps into some nobody who's had cannabis in the last week… and is too caught up in his headphones to notice. "Sorry."

Ray just rolls his eyes… a trick I wish I could accomplish. "He probably didn't even notice you…"

"Still… it doesn't hurt to have some common courtesy, Ray."

As soon as the door's open, I scramble inside and take up my position in the back. Ray's a lot more tolerant of me since I gently informed a man one day that it would not be a bright idea to attempt to steal this car. I was still holding his hand in my mouth when Ray came back… it seems that most people become very cooperative when they realise that they're speaking to a wolf. Maybe they think that we're unintelligent… like dogs or something, and that we'll eat them. A word of advice… don't eat humans unless you're really hungry. They don't taste _that_ much like pork. Anyway, like I was saying… Ray's been a lot more accepting of my presence since then. If you think he cares for his sister… you have _no_ idea how he feels about his car.

We end up in a traffic jam… and Ray swears profusely – I can see his lips in the rear-view mirror – craning his neck to see what has caused it. "Of all the…"

Fraser catches sight of it too, and reaches for the door handle. As for me… I take the opportunity to bury my head in my paws. This day has just gone from bad… to much, much worse.


	2. they are coming

Disclaimer: I don't own these guys… I doubt they'd be anymore controllable if I did. 

A/N: I _still_ don't know where this is going… not entirely…

**Chapter 2: they are coming**

The problem is a human – probably male, but I can't smell him from this distance… especially not when Ray has been so discourteous as to have the windows rolled up. What is _wrong_ with him, that he can't handle a little winter? See… there's another reason why it's a miracle that human beings have survived. They are entirely ill-equipped for it, physically. I mean… they're slow runners… they've got no fur or protective colouring to speak of – well maybe a little on their heads… but what good does it do them there? It must be some sort of mating thing, since they're incapable of detecting even the strongest of pheromones.

I can smell something else, however… and I wait until Fraser has left before I make my play for it.

"Hey! Get your nose out of there!" As usual, I ignore Ray and finish off the cheeseburger he so kindly brought me. Ray and I have this understanding: he yells at me, and I don't pay any attention. Then he complains that I don't listen – and Fraser reminds him that I'm deaf. Then Ray mutters some nasty things… and we start all over again next time.

"Aw, hell." Ray watches Fraser for a moment – Fraser has gone to talk to the male who is causing the traffic jam. One of Ray's endearing traits is that he – on some points – is not as stupid as Fraser. Ray is smart enough to know that you don't go talking to the obviously insane – because they might bite you… and then you'll go insane.

Ray gets out of the car, and I follow before he can stop me. If Fraser's in trouble… like I said, he's my pack-mate and I am obligated to help him.

The human who decided to interrupt our day _is_ clearly insane… he's even frothing at the mouth. And while in most creatures a large amount of hair in the winter is considered a sign of good health (again, I marvel at how humans have survived), he clearly has not been tending to his grooming, which in _any_ creature is a sign of declining condition.

Fraser doesn't seem to notice, however. "Sir. If you could please step out of the street…"

"They are coming… they are going to take us… we will be destroyed for our failures."

"Sir…"

"They are coming…"

"Who's coming, sir?"

"They are coming. Them."

Ray gets up there and shoves his badge into the insane one's (okay, sorry, the insane one who _isn't _Fraser) face. "Already here, pal. Police. Now move it." But the guy's not paying attention – he's watching me instead.

"Please! Tell them we didn't mean it… tell them that we are willing to repent our sins." He throws himself to the ground in front of me. "O Noblest One, let them know… save us, please."

Now while it is gratifying to find a human who finally understands which species is the alpha species (what's so great about seeing in colour anyways, when you can only smell in black and white… you can't even pick up grey?), it's frustrating to accept the fact that the only ones who do, tend to be insane in other areas and are thus never heeded by their fellows.

I back away slowly, but he crawls forward after me. Oh joy. I keep backing up, guiding him slowly out of traffic. Ray turns and runs back to his car, where somebody is attempting to steal it. A look at Ray's face and his gun convince the guy otherwise.

"Sir… are you all right, sir?" Fraser can't seem to let go of the possibility of communication – he always believes the best of people.

"Please… you must believe me… we had no idea."

"Sir…"

"Look at the nutcase, he's talking to a dog." I see some hairy male laugh and point.

"Actually, he's a wolf." Fraser turns away from me to correct this misunderstanding, but I know what he's saying, because he always says it. He turns back to the lunatic. "Now sir… who is coming? Are they dangerous?"

Oh no. He's actually taking this person seriously. Then again, we are speaking of someone with the common sense of a potato chip, and we all know what happens to them. I consider biting him (Fraser, that is) if only to get his attention.

"The ones… the avengers." Nutbar sees a rat slinking in an alleyway, and turns to it. I can't tell what he's saying, but I'm pretty sure he's pleading with the rat, too. The rat proves his intelligence by running away.

And Fraser proves again that he has none. "Sir… sir… is there…"

"Come on, Fraser." Ray has re-joined us, probably realising that potato chip brain won't move without bodily force. Once he gets it in his mind to help somebody…

"There will be a great thunder… and all will be destroyed. I heard them… mark my words. They gather at the empty warehouse." The lunatic scrambles to his feet and waves his arms around wildly. "They will destroy us… we are but useless fools in their eyes." He runs away down the street, screaming.

"Come on, Fraser…" Ray pulls on Fraser's arm, guiding him back towards the car.

"I wonder what he meant…" Fraser stares after the lunatic, and I know that look. We're going to be figuring this one out… and I'm not going to get paid one single Twinkie or tortilla chip for the job. Lovely.


End file.
